


Are You Serious?

by Allwalkfree



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Family Bonding, Fluff and Humor, Fun, Gen, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 16:41:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18123827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allwalkfree/pseuds/Allwalkfree
Summary: The Hargreeves siblings compete to see who can make Five's favorite coffee. Number Five has no clue why he chooses to deal with these morons everyday.





	Are You Serious?

“Ok,” Five said, sitting down at the table, and looking up at his siblings. “Am here, what do you want from me?”

“Nothing,” Allison said, taking a seat across from him. “Nothing at all. We just thought that maybe we could help you with a huge problem that you have.”

Five lifted a single eyebrow at that.

“I doubt any of you can help me with anything, ever.”

“Oi, you don’t know that,” Diego huffed, also taking a seat from across him. “You haven’t even heard our proposal.

“Then spit it out.”

Luther who had been observing this whole conversation from the side finally spoke up.

“We had a debate.”

“Argument you mean,” Klaus muttered, walking over to lean against Five’s chair. Five glared up at him but didn’t make any move to get rid of him, which Klaus most have taken as a victory because he leaned into the chair even further and brushed his fingers lightly over his brother’s hair.

Five let it slide this time.

“Not an argument,” Luther protested. “Just some heated discussion.”

“Right,” Allison said, turning back to face her assassin of a brother. “We had an argument about your coffee habits, and debated which one of us could help you find the perfect coffee!”

Five stared at her. His sister’s excitement was pretty evident. “You’re serious.”

“Yes,” she said, smiling broadly at him, and from the way the rest of them were shifting in anticipation of his answer, he guessed so were they.

His eyes moved over to look at Vanya, the only sane sibling he had.

“What is this?” he asked.

Vanya just gave him a tight-lipped smile and shrugged, but from the glint in her eyes, Five had no doubt that the whole situation was amusing her greatly.

“Ok,” he said, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. “How are you planning on finding me said perfect coffee? I have already tried every brand that there is, nothing tastes perfect.”

“Nothing tastes perfect, yet,” Diego said, pointing one of his knifes at him with such a smug smile, that Five just wanted to reach across the table and smack him in the face.

‘ _Klaus might find it amusing_ ,’ he thought. ‘ _And he has been kinda down lately_.’ He reached across the table and smacked his brother upside the head.

“Ouch,” Diego hissed, standing up quickly, letting the chair he had been occupying a second ago hit the floor with a thud.

“What was that for?”

Five shrugged, the loud snickering from behind him making his tense muscles relax for the first time during this whole conversation.

“You were annoying me,” he huffed.

“I’ll show you a…,” Diego said, arms already flying across the table, before Allison smacked them out of the air.

“Non-of that Diego,” she said, pointing a finger at Five at the same time. “Apologize.”

“No.”

“You won’t see Claire this weekend.”

“Fine,” he groaned, letting his chin rest on top of his folded arms. “Sorry.”

“Good,” Allison said, smiling at him proudly, and although he didn’t want to do it, he found himself giving a tiny lift of his lips back.

He always had a soft spot for both of his sisters, and it was a difficult fact to hide. Allison’s grin widened even further, as if she could read his mind.

“That’s the spirit,” she said. “Now, let’s get down to business.”

“To defeat the huns,” Klaus mumbled from behind him, and from the movement of Vanya’s lips, so did she.

Five covered his mouth to hide his traitorous smile of amusement. He was smiling more today, than he had ever done during his forty five years of isolation.

In Dolores defense, she wasn’t very funny.

“Again, he muttered. “How are you planning on finding my perfect coffee?”

“I told you,” Diego said, glaring at the shorter man. “We are going to compete to see who can make you the perfect coffee.”

The taller man had moved away from the table in his annoyance and was currently leaning against the stove next to Vanya. The quite woman was sewing shut a sizable hole in Diego’s ugly superhero uniform. She wasn’t really good at it, but Diego had refused to let Luther anywhere near his suit, so Vanya was the only other person skilled enough to do it.

‘ _We need to have an intervention soon_ ,’ Five thought.  _‘No way can I in good consciousness let him run around in that mess anymore.’_

Opening his mouth, he did his best to sound both condescending and superior. It wasn’t hard.

“Actually, you said non of those things Diego.”

“We are saying them now,” Luther said, hand coming up to rub his forehead. “Geez, how has a fun family activity idea, turned into this?”

“A family activity?” Five said in surprise.

Vanya nodded, looking up from her work. “Yeah, we thought we could maybe spend some time together, you know, have fun seeing who could make your favorite coffee?” Shrugging, she bit her lip. “It was Ben’s idea.”

“Benny’s?”

“Yup,” Klaus said from behind him, smacking his lips at the p.

Now Five just felt awful.

“Why didn’t you just say so?” he said in exasperation, trying hard to shove back the weird feeling in his gut. The feeling that always came around when he felt like he was letting his siblings down.

“Would that have made a difference?” Allison asked, lifting a brow.

‘ _She looks tired,_ ’ Five observed, absentmindedly.  _‘I should pay Patrick a visit.’_

“Of course it would,” he snapped outwardly, sitting more upright. “It’s Benny’s idea.”

“You and your favoritism.” Diego shook his head.

“So, are you in?” Allison asked, even though she clearly knew the answer.

“Sure.”

Klaus leaned down and loudly kissed him on the head. “Ben says he’s flattered.”

Tensing instantly, Five shoved his brother away harshly, his action automatic, but he was just as quick to reach out and grab him by the arm to prevent him from falling down. “Whatever,” he said at the same time.

Klaus just giggled at the whole thing.

Five made sure not to release him, not till his idiot of a brother was standing back on his own two feet at least. Wouldn’t do for him to get concussion from something so stupid.

“Ok then,” Allison said, clapping her hands, and standing up. “Chefs, to the kitchen!”

They all rushed out, bringing along all these new ridiculous and probably expensive coffee making appliances that they most have bought earlier this morning.

“You’re just making coffee!” he called after them. And just like he had been doing throughout this whole bizarre conversation, Five couldn’t help but let his lips form into a smile. ‘ _These idiots,_ ’ he thought fondly _. ‘They are so going to be the death of me.’_


End file.
